I never thought I would utter the phrase, “I’m totally sick of vampires.” Yet here we are! How many more movies do we need about these sad emo-esque characters who cry about their lost humanity, get it on with somebody, and then kick some rear end and eventually get staked. I’m sick of it!
Gone are the days of vampires who were actually scary. Nosferatu, Dracula, and many others. Then Anne Rice had to go and humanize the bastards. Suddenly we’re stuck with Tom Cruise as the image of what a vampire should be. Excuse me? Ugh, Tom Cruise is like napalm, goes up in a blaze and even after it’s killed you, you still can’t get rid of it.
His mouth says no but his teeth say “Hells yeah!”
Where the heck was I? Oh, and we had Buffy the Vampire Slayer which was a pretty good series and it was followed up by the much better series Angel. Yet Angel was cancelled because it was out BEFORE Twilight entered our lives. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, pretty much. When series like True Blood and the Twilight Saga plus the ad nauseam other vampire series show up and the only two decent ones were cancelled, yeah, I’m bitter. But with Hollywood trying to capitalize on it, Vampires are actually getting lamer by the minute. These creatures of the night that once haunted dreams are now adorable plush dolls coming to a Quicky Mart near you.
Part of me was hoping for a revitalization of Kindred: The Embrace which was based on Vampire: The Masquerade which represents different clans of vampires all struggling for power in a never-ending game of politics and intrigue. But that wouldn’t have gotten the crowd that they want now. I think we’ve finally figured out that women are attracted to vampires. I have to ask why?
Option A. Women relate to Bloodsuckers. Best we leave anything else unstated.
Option B. Women find the “undead” attractive. Hey, I’ve been saying that for years. Ever watch the View? That’s practically a convention of what the underworld looks like when you die.
Option C. Women finally found someone that after 500 years understands women. Have to break this one though, not even 500 years of living is long enough to understand women. So let’s nix this one.
Option D. Chicks dig old dudes. I’m just going to go with this one. It worked out for me after all.
So there you have it. I’m suddenly understanding this phenomenon a little more. Not a lot mind you. All I know is that Hollywood is capitalizing on it. Meanwhile, the original vampire, Aaron Spelling is slowly regaining his strength in his mausoleum, and he’s pissed his show never got a chance, since deep down it was probably about him anyway. Most of you won’t get that, so Google it. I love saying that.
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